Trying to replace my disability….

More and more I realize that people who don’t have chronic pain, don’t “get” chronic pain.  Like the helpful people who suggest I try a painkiller for my debilitating, hallucinating, vomiting migraines.  Because, yeah… that never occurred to me.

I have reached the point where the crushed vertebra in my lower back press on the nerves to my leg almost constantly.  I can stand up for 10 minutes, at most before going numb and needing to sit down RIGHTFECKINGNOW!

I randomly fall over because my legs sometimes go numb without warning.

I also cannot sit down for very long, walk more than a short city block, or any combo of these without being laid up for days.  I go into town one day a week to do all the running around, usually begging a friend to drive me.

So a friend gets the dubious privilege of driving me all over town as I get more and more pain-filled, cranky, and visibly lame.  They can’t really help, and I rapidly get to the point of giving up and sitting down until my hubby can pick me up.  Added to this is the knowledge that that by the time I get home, I’ll be lucky to be able to walk to the washroom and I will be unable to do anything for the next two days.

I am on the third to last most potent painkiller my Dr can prescribe, and this will be my last refill.  It’s lost all effectiveness after less than 6 months.  I have tried both Lyrica and gabapentin to repair the nerve damage, both were ineffective.

So, my Dr and I applied for disability. Twenty pages of forms and months of waiting, to be told that “I just don’t understand why you can’t work in an office.”  DENIED.

Did you ever injure your back shoveling snow, or gardening, or something?  That white-hot-cold sheet of pain up your spine?  The nausea and dizziness?  Unable to move, lying there praying your hubby/ wife finds you before the snowplow goes by and buries you?  I get that at least once a day.  Sometimes, just shifting position on the couch, sometimes rolling over at night.  Now that will wake you up faster than the sound of a cat barfing in your bed.

On a bad day, say… the day after being in town, I will get it every fecking time I move.

So, yeah, I can be in town every day, moving from chair to walking, to standing in line for my lunch or coffee.  Walking in snow and over ice.  Walking up and down steps. Falling.  For about the same amount as the stupid disability cheque would be.

So, I tried to make and sell spice mixes because I can do that on my own time at my own speed.  But people expect a lot.  Is it organic?  Fair trade? Non-irradiated?  (Is that a thing?)  What it is, is $5 for 2oz/ 55g of hand blended, secret recipe spice mixes, with no fillers, salt, sugar, corn, wheat, soy, preservatives…  And free recipes to get you started.  It’s not even covering costs. (Laurie’s Ultimate Goods on Etsy and Facebook)

So, now I’m trying something else.  Linking to Amazon to get a small percent on any book ordered from my blog.  Good books, mostly homesteading and canning, some tools or gadgets that I love.  Both on .com and .ca.

I hope.  Right now I’ve got it set up at Amazon.ca, but .com is being recalcitrant.  They want a US bank account.   I’ll let you know if they bow to logic.

In the meantime, I’m setting up a page to act as a store with the books/ gadgets I have and love.

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3 thoughts on “Trying to replace my disability….

  1. From my friend David on FB: So have you tried meditation? (Ducks and runs.)

    Seriously, you hide the cranky parts during a town trip very well. Or maybe it’s just being masked by the many times you are as white as a sheet while wobbling, looking like you are about to faint.

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